Time: 0406 hours.
Location: The Greenwich Peninsula, London.
Context: I’ve been asleep now for more than 10 hours, and can’t fall back to sleep even if someone hammered me in the head.
Today, I enter my third day in London aka my third day without Hadzray. If you told teenager Nadhrah that she would be living in London one day, she would be thrilled because if you must know, I had wanted to come here for as long as I can remember (blame this book I read for making London sound absolutely magical) and it had been something that had motivated me to ace every big exam throughout my school career.
I’m here now and while I want to be happy to call this place home for the next two years… I can’t. Because I know, in my heart and in my mind, that home is wherever my husband is. And he’s not here. So this (London) is not home, not unless Hadzray is here with me.
If you can’t already guess; I’m having a miserable first couple days here.
So much of my days back home are spent with Hadzray that I feel decapitated being here by myself. I am independent and always have been, but I’ve gotten so used to his company with almost everything I do (we even share the same hobbies) that experiencing anything on my own feels strange, for the lack of a better word.
I know I know that this is all depressing, but its the truth. There hadn’t been a day since I left home that I haven’t cried and sobbed and cried and sobbed again. But we made the decision for me to come here together, as a couple, and that is about the only thing that comforts me – to know that it wasn’t a selfish decision coming here and leaving Hadzray behind.
I’m here pursuing my Masters, because after a lot of discussion and going back and forth… we felt its the right thing for me to do at what is possibly the only right time in my life. I’m not getting any younger, and believe it or not – especially coming from me, your resident baby hater; I would like the option of starting a family available to me sooner than later.
So… lets doodis, and try to have fun in the process – because its London, for God’s sakes!